Thursday, May 28, 2015

Dear fam and friends,

   First of all,  I just want to say thanks to everyone for all the emails I received last week.  It really meant a lot to me!  There are a few things I would like to share with you.  This week has been full of miracles but probably one of the hardest weeks so far on my mission.  I have NEVER felt so physically and emotionally tired!  I set a goal to be constantly doing something every minute, even after planning.  There is just so much to be done, and as missionaries we are constantly going going going.  I like always working, but yesterday all of our appointments and plans fell through.  I am in charge of things, and I just looked at my planner, and then at my phone, and then back to my planner, and then to our member book.  I just started calling people to see if they could meet, and only ONE answered, and they said NO.  I started panicking because nothing was working out.  Honestly I shouldn't have panicked as much as I did,....... but I did.  My companion was talking to one of the other sister missionaries and all of a sudden my heart started racing, and I felt so strange.  I literally felt like I was going nuts, and I felt so weird, and I have never felt like that before in my life.  The sister missionaries were telling me to calm down, but things got worse.  I just all of a sudden started laughing and then burst into uncontrollable tears.  I had an anxiety attack! WOW!  I have never had one of those before!  These past few weeks have been filled with stress and more stress.  My whole mission I have worked very hard, but I still laughed and had fun.  Ever since I was transferred and moved, and have had all this responsibility, I have been so serious. Sometimes I don't know what's happening to me.  We are working hard, but honestly it's not fun, and I'm not laughing or being me anymore.  Anyways, I had a long talk with my companion last night and I was able to just get out all of my feelings.  My goal now is to try to laugh more and not take everything so seriously, and so far today it's been going great.  I DON'T NEED TO BE STRESSED! :)  Between 1 and 10,  I would say my stress level has been a 10, but today it's a 7.

     This is to everyone who reads this.  Missions are super hard!  It is the hardest thing I've EVER done in my life, but I also can't tell you how much I still love it regardless.  I want you all to know how much I love my Savior, Jesus Christ.  I love my Heavenly Father and I would be nothing without his grace and mercy.  It is hard, really hard, but the only thing that makes me strong here is my love and understanding of the gospel.  I know He is there for me and hears my prayers.  I also know without a doubt that this gospel is true!!  I love my Heavenly Father!!

     This week we went on exchanges and I went with one sister to her area.  We walked out our door, and immediately went tracting down the street.  All of a sudden as we were knocking on doors these two ladies walked up to talk to us.  They asked us if we were hot, and of course we were, and they brought us over to the shade and gave us some water. They suddenly linked arms with us, and said how interested they were in learning about the Book of Mormon, and that they wanted us to come to their apartment right then.  It was kind of strange behavior but it made us very excited and happy.  As we were walking they decided to have us sit down on a park bench instead, and suddenly they started asking tons of questions.  My companion was a greenie so she told me that she couldn't understand the Korean language, and I knew it was all up to me.  With them speaking so fast, somehow I was able to understand them to answer all of their questions, and I know it was through God's power.  All of a sudden it turned from a nice conversation, to them purposely bashing our church.  They started asking me questions to stump me in my words.  Even though I fully understood their questions, they were trying to trick me into making me contradict myself.    I stopped........and they waited for me to respond, with smirks on their faces.   I sat up boldly and said, "I don't care about any of your sarcastic remarks, but I KNOW THAT THE BOOK OF MORMON IS TRUE!  It has brought peace and happiness into my life, and happiness is the ONLY thing we are here to share.  The ONLY THING!!!!  I was a little firm about it because I was sick of their sarcastic remarks to me.  They stood there and didn't say one word, and I knew they couldn't say any thing to that!   God put the words in my mouth and the exact time I needed them.  They stood there in silence and we finally got away.  I was grateful for the strength God gave me to express myself in Korean,  bearing the truth.  GOD LIVES and IS watching over us!!

     My companion is a nice girl, but we don't really seem to have fun together, because our personalities clash, but we are working on it.:)  I'm learning to love everyone that I live with, no matter who they are.  I have to say though, right now this companionship is really hard.  I do get a long with one of the sister missionaries I live with quite well, and her name is Sister Johnson, but believe me I still love them all very much.  My companion plays the flute and was in a marching band, and she likes animals and music.  She received some hard news apparently last night about her family that caused her to collapse on the floor in tears.  It's been tears and tears and tears since last night.  I feel badly for her.  Honestly, this is not the perfect companionship but I know we are together for a reason.  I just want to love her and serve her, especially through her trial right now. 

     Like I said last week we live in a HUGE Korean home, but I will send pics next week.  The computer is not working that well, but I will next time.  For p day today we are going to this gigantic store that is kind of like a scrap booking store, but I can't really describe it.  It has everything though that you can imagine.  We are just going to try and relax and have fun!!  Everyday we walk through the market place and we talk to a couple of friends that work in there:)  It's always fun to go there.  We have 4 elders and then us 4 sister missionaries in our area.  We are one weird/funny district! haha!  I am so lucky to have one of my favorite people in our district.  He is Korean, and he and I are very good friends.

     The missionaries just sang yesterday at their investigator's baptism, and I sang a duet with one of the elders.  I think it went really well:)   Also I am using the ninja blender daily and the other missionaries all want to use it too.  haha!  I have learned that service is the KEY to missionary work,  because words mean nothing, and actions are everything! :)  I think the area that I'm in is more wealthy and they are a little more prideful. but I love it just the same though.  
     ALYSSA,  I'm so excited for you to go to "Time To Blossom."  I was a counselor last year for that and it was so amazing!!  You get to have great speakers from the church and you will learn so much, and have fun activities too.  It's all in your attitude, so try to be positive ok? :) I love you so much Alyssa.  Just remember to look for the best and be there to learn and grow. 

     So, I am out of time, but I just want you all to know how much I miss everyone and love you!!  It's extremely hard, but that is what is helping me grow.  I am very happy that I have God to be with me, and that's why I'm making it.  HE LIVES!!!!

                Love ya,  Michelle         

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